The following letters supposedly were taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests.  In truth, this was composed by comedian Shelly Berman.  It is rather long, but it is very funny and if you haven't seen it before, you'll love it.

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off.  I took the three hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.  The six bars on your shelf  I  took out  of  your way  and  put on top of  your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.  This leaves only the three bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave three soaps daily.  I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid, apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added three little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.  I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those six little Camays which are on the shelf.   They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.  Please remove them.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left three hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management.  I took the six soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was.  I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience.  I didn't remove the three complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.  Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM.   That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty.  I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another three bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of three bars on the bath-room shelf.  In just five days here I have accumulated twenty-four little bars of soap.   Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,

Housekeeper
Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me four little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.  I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave three bars of soap each time they service a room.   The situation will be rectified immediately.   Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who....left fifty-four little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last night and found fifty-four little bars of soap.  I don't want fifty-four little bars of Camay.  I want my one.....bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize I have fifty-four bars of soap in here?  All I want is my bath-size Dial.  Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.  Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them.  The twenty-four Camays which had been taken and the three Camays you are supposed to receive daily.  I don't know anything about the four Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought twenty-four Camays plus the three daily Camays.  I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.   I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.  As of today I possess:

- On the shelf under medicine cabinet - eighteen Camays in four stacks of four and one stack of two.

- On the Kleenex dispenser - eleven Camays in two stacks of four and one stack of three.

- On the bedroom dresser - one stack of three Cashmere Bouquet - one stack of four hotel-size Ivory, and eight Camays in two stacks of four.

- Inside the medicine cabinet - fourteen Camays in three stacks of four and one stack of two.

- In the shower soap dish - six Camays, very moist.

- On the northeast corner of tub - one Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.

- On the northwest corner of tub - six Camays in two stacks of three.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of more than four have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.  One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman

It dawned on me that God is like those maids!  Every day he sends us blessing after blessing. Whether we ask for them or not, whether we deserve them or not ("he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good"), whether we acknowledge them or not, we are absolutely flooded with blessings from a good and gracious God.

"Bless the LORD, O my soul;
and all that is within me,
bless His holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from destruction,
who crowns you with loving kindness
and tender mercies,
who satisfies your mouth with good things."
(Psalm 103:1-5a)

To the God who keeps on giving and giving
be all praise and honor and glory!